MILESTONES IN THE JOURNEY

On April 7th, I celebrated a special milestone: eight years since my mastectomy. This day was filled with mixed emotions as I reflected on the anxieties of the uncertainties I faced in the past and those I still encounter today. However, my gratitude for this incredible journey far outweighs those feelings.

My breast cancer journey began a few months before my mastectomy. I was diagnosed in early October and underwent several months of chemotherapy before the surgery. By April 2017, I was ready to take that next step, though it was a terrifying prospect.

I made it through the surgery with flying colors!

Each year has brought its own challenges and victories, and I have learned to truly embrace the strength I have gained along the way. I recognize that I would not have come this far without the unwavering love and support of my family and friends; they have been my rock throughout this journey. 

As I reflect on this experience, I am struck by the range of emotions I can feel at once. It serves as a reminder of how far I have come and the importance of every step I have taken.

MARCH-LYMPHEDEMA AWARENESS MONTH

I can't believe I waited until the last day of March to mention that March is Lymphedema Awareness Month!

After my mastectomy, my surgeon informed me that I had a high risk of developing lymphedema due to the surgery, radiation, and lymph node removal. He referred to me as a "triple threat." He encouraged me to see a lymphedema therapist for baseline measurements so we could assess how much larger my arm had become if I started to experience symptoms. He also provided other important information on the subject. I have since learned that some oncologists and even breast surgeons do not discuss lymphedema with their patients, which is shocking to me. What the heck??

Living with lymphedema has been challenging—physically, mentally, and financially. Unfortunately, I experience pain or discomfort from my lymphedema on a daily basis. Finding attractive and comfortable clothing that can effectively camouflage my much larger arm is often stressful and difficult. Additionally, the costs of compression garments and physical therapy sessions can add up quickly. Fortunately, advocates like actress Kathy Bates and many other supporters have worked hard to ensure that Medicare and insurance companies now cover most of our needs!

Today, I visited Cavell's, a specialty boutique that sells mastectomy and lymphedema supplies, to get fitted for new bras and lymphedema garments. It’s hard to believe, but some insurance companies still consider compression sleeves "cosmetic." Seriously??

I want to emphasize the importance of taking proactive measures regarding lymphedema if you are facing a breast cancer diagnosis. It’s essential to ask questions, research, and seek a qualified lymphedema therapist. Hopefully, there are more available than there are in my locality.

HAPPY TO ANSWER QUESTIONS

I am happy to answer any questions I can on the subject. I will soon post updated photos of my lymphedema arm and some pictures of the items I purchased today.

 

SCARY WORDS

While talking on the phone with a friend yesterday, the topic somehow shifted to words and phrases. She ended up saying, "There are definitely some words or phrases you just never want to hear or say."

CANCER

After my breast cancer diagnosis in October 2016, I found it nearly impossible to say the word "cancer" without feeling a surge of anxiety. I needed to inform my family and friends, but even thinking about that word made me feel so anxious that I nearly felt like throwing up. Over time, I became more comfortable with it, but another word emerged that became even harder for me to say.

METASTATIC

In 2020, a biopsy revealed cancer in a lymph node, and while my doctor avoided using the term "metastatic," I sensed that was the case. When I finally asked, he confirmed, “Yes, it's considered metastatic. It’s not currently curable but is treatable.”

UNDERSTANDING METASTATIC BREAST CANCER

Metastatic breast cancer, or stage IV, is when cancer spreads from the breast to other parts of the body. My doctor said that having metastatic disease doesn’t mean all hope is lost. Many treatment options exist, and new medications are always being tested, allowing many people to lead long, fulfilling lives.

My doctor explained that even though I'm in remission, a small dormant cell remains in my body. To prevent its spread, I take Verzenio daily and receive monthly Faslodex injections. We monitor my blood for white blood cell counts, which can drop due to the medications, but my numbers are currently stable.

Managing Negative Thoughts

I generally feel pretty good and no longer feel nauseous when I hear "metastatic." I know that it’s totally normal for negative thoughts to arise occasionally. Accepting this helps me navigate the tough days I face while dealing with cancer.

Coping Strategies

Managing difficult days effectively requires varied strategies. What works one day might not be effective another. 

When negative thoughts overwhelm me, I try to balance my spiritual, social, and physical health.

Here are some techniques I have found beneficial at times.

- Talking to a friend or family member.

- Getting outside for fresh air and a walk.

- Enjoying a good book or movie.

- Finding humor in challenging situations.

- Joining a support group, online or in person.

- Eating a big chunk of fudge. (No judgment, please!)

- Praying.

While I have had some success with the techniques above, nothing soothes my soul and relieves my stress quite like prayer.

Reaching out to my faith and support groups helps me handle things better on this journey.

GOODBYES

Last month, I visited the Cancer Center for my regular monthly appointment and saw my oncologist of eight years for the last time. Dr. Saker has been my doctor since my initial cancer diagnosis in October 2016, but he is retiring at the end of this month. Saying goodbye was really tough.

 

When I first met Dr. Saker, I was a complete wreck. I had so many questions swirling in my head, and some I was too scared to ask because I wasn’t sure I wanted to hear the answers. Thoughts about cancer, chemotherapy, surgery, and even death weighed heavily on me.

After having in-depth conversations with both Dr. Saker and Dr. Quill, the now-retired surgeon who performed my mastectomy, I began to feel much more reassured and hopeful about my future. Both doctors were everything I could have hoped for in my cancer treatment.

MORE GOODBYES

Yesterday was my final visit to the Lawrenceville office, where I have received my treatments since the beginning of this journey.

It was an emotional moment for me as I had to say goodbye to two amazing individuals who have played a significant role in my experience: Wan Yang, PA-C, and Lisa. Over the years, Wan has provided me with invaluable medical expertise, genuine concern, and kindness. It will take at least three or four people to fill his shoes at SHO!

When you walk into the Infusion Suite, the first person you see is Lisa. She is always there with a smile and a warm hug! I’m not even sure what her official job title is, but I genuinely believe that her smile and kind heart have the power to cure many ailments. Lisa is also a breast cancer survivor herself. Since I'll be getting treatments at a new location, I won't see Lisa regularly, which makes me sad.

However, I will definitely visit her whenever I’m in the area!

Lisa and Pam

I’ll miss many people at Suburban Hematology Oncology in Lawrenceville, GA, but saying goodbye to Dr. Saker, Wan, and Lisa really hits differently.

After a very emotional morning filled with tears, I decided that a bit of whipped cream on my coffee in the Survivor mug was just what the doctor ordered!

FAMILY!

Family is EVERYTHING!

October 19th was a busy, fun day for us! I already shared about Paint Gwinnett Pink 5k, which was a great way to start the day.

After the 5k, we headed home to change and wait for our girl, Alex, to arrive from Knoxville. We didn't have to wait long because she pulled up about 30 minutes after we got here! 

Ray and I were so happy to see Alex, and this little guy was excited, too! This was Alex's first visit since moving from Sioux Falls, SD, to Knoxville, TN, a few months ago.

We spent some time just hanging out at the house and talking before heading to our favorite local restaurant, Philanthropy, for a late lunch. 

After lunch, we returned home, and after chatting a bit more, Alex and I watched a couple of scary movies. Scary shows and movies have always been something we have done together, and I had really missed it!

Later in the evening, there was another favorite....Mexican food and margaritas!

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                     

After dinner, we were all tired, so the 3 of us just watched a couple of movies before going to bed.

On Sunday, we headed to Cumming, GA to meet up with Conor for lunch. He had to be at work at 5pm, so we went a bit early so we would have time to hang out for awhile.

Our visit was too short, but it was great being with these two! We are making plans to get together again for a few days during Thanksgiving!

SCAN RESULTS AND BREAST CANCER 5K

In my previous post, I discussed the CT and Nuclear Medicine Bone Scans scheduled for the first week of October. I was feeling anxious about the scans being on October 2. 

October 2 and October 3 are very emotional dates for me. On October 2, 2016, I spent the day filled with fear and sadness as I waited for my appointment with the breast specialist the following day to learn the results of my biopsy.

Scan Day

Every time I go for scans of any kind, I feel a little stressed due to my claustrophobia and other fears. However, this time, I felt even more anxious than usual. 

To add to my stress, as soon as I checked in at the hospital's front desk, I was called into the financial office and asked to pay $2,000 on the spot. They said I owed $8,000, which was a shock since I had never been billed.

After talking to two different people (one who was very uncaring and rude) and waiting while one of them consulted with her boss, I had to pay $800 and set up a monthly payment plan because they said I couldn't get the scans otherwise. I left in tears to go wait for my scans because I was made to feel like a criminal trying to get away with something. It's just so wrong. As if dealing with Metastatic Breast Cancer isn't enough.

Eventually, even though I was pretty late getting started due to the visit with the financial people, I was called back to start the four-hour process, which began with the usual trying to get the darn needle in my arm nightmare.

The second person who tried to get the IV in was successful without inflicting too much pain, and she kept saying how sorry she was that I had to deal with the unpleasantness of the financial people earlier. She was so kind and caring.

Scan Results

I was expecting to wait for days, maybe even a week, for the results. But to my surprise, they were on the patient portal the next day, October 3rd. It was exactly 8 years since my first diagnosis. I was so scared to check the results.

Thankfully, the results were good! The CT scan and bone scan showed no sign of metastatic disease, which is a huge relief. There were some minor issues, some due to residual side effects from my cancer treatments, and the others, my doctor said, were primarily due to my "old age." He didn't use those exact words, but that was what he meant!

So, even though I was first diagnosed on October 3, 2016, and then again in October 2020, I believe I can stop feeling like October is a cursed month for me and start enjoying it again!

Breast Cancer Awareness Month is almost over. I will admit that some days, I haven't felt like participating in all the "pink" activities. But overall, I'm glad to see the support and know that many women with breast cancer are feeling loved and many others are reminded to schedule their mammograms. 

Feel The Love-Paint Gwinnett Pink 5k

This past Saturday was the Paint Gwinnett Pink 5k. This is an event we've been participating in for the past few years. Once again, I had a team called "Pam's Pink Posse."

Me and Ray before the 5k

The Paint Gwinnett Pink event is a 5k walk and run that supports breast cancer research and celebrates survivors. This event is an incredibly uplifting and emotional experience. 

Along with the 5k, there are various activities, including a heartfelt breakfast for survivors and a pink carpet leading to the survivors' stage. There, physicians from the Cancer Center, inspiring speakers, and talented musicians honor us as survivors.

Suburban Hematology-Oncology Doctors Lined up on Survivor's Stage

Our team, consisting of Ray, myself, Ray, and Ray's friend and co-worker, Amos, may have been small this year, but it was still inspiring as always. We received generous donations from friends online and messages filled with love and support.

One of the highlights of my morning was running into Patience! She used to work at my Cancer Center but has recently transferred to a different location. I was devastated when I learned that she was leaving. She is truly the best at her job and one of the kindest, most compassionate, and caring people I have ever met.

Patience and I shed a few tears together after I walked on the pink carpet and across the survivors' stage.

Here are a few more photos from the morning.

                                                                                                       

My Oncologist-Dr. Saker looks fab wearing his lei! 

This was a beautiful way to celebrate Breast Cancer Awareness Month and the good news about my scans!

But wait...there was more to come! Our girl Alex was on her way to visit us from Knoxville and would arrive soon after we arrived home from Coolray Field!

More on that in my next post!

BREAST CANCER RELATED ANXIETY TRIGGER

I think that many of us who are diagnosed with cancer will experience stress, worry, or anxiety to some extent almost every day due to unexpected triggers on our journey. Some of these triggers may only make our hearts flutter for a moment or cause some brief moments of worry, but others can keep us up at night and cause more distress.

And sometimes, those triggers seem to just pop up out of left field.

My Most Recent Trigger

I got a call a couple of days ago from a scheduler about the CT and nuclear-med bone scans my doctor ordered. Finding a day for both scans took a while since one takes 3 hours. I didn't write down the details because I knew they would be posted on the patient portal.

The next day, I logged into the portal to check if the scans had been added so I could enter the details into my calendar. When I saw the date, I immediately felt a sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach. October 2nd? The date hadn't even registered with me when the scans were scheduled.

So What's The Deal With October 2nd?

October 2, 2016, was a Sunday. I remember it well because I was extremely anxious and teary-eyed all day, knowing I would be seeing a breast cancer physician/surgeon the following day for the results of my recent breast biopsy.

I was almost sure I would receive the devastating news of a breast cancer diagnosis, and the uncertainty of what would follow left me feeling utterly terrified.

I remember walking around my backyard, crying and praying. I begged God for more time here on earth. 

Conor had just started his sophomore year of high school, and Alex was in college. They both needed my support. Conor still relied on me, and Nick, who was living in Massachusetts, had been going through some life struggles and also needed my support. My older kids had their own families and were more settled, so I felt they weren't as vulnerable.

And then there was my husband, Ray. He needed me. He had just gotten through a heart attack and some surgeries. It was a really scary time for all of us, but things were finally starting to look up.

And yes, on October 3, 2016, I received the dreaded news: "Pam, the results came back positive for breast cancer."

And so my breast cancer journey began.....

The hardest part was definitely telling the kids. I didn't want my treatments to worry them or disrupt their lives. 

After talking to my Oncology team, I felt hopeful, and yet still worried. 

But God Answered Prayers

I've now watched Conor graduate from high school and grow into an amazing 23-year-old man. He's now still in college, working, and living about an hour and a half away.

I've watched Alex overcome some challenges and become a beautiful, intelligent, adventurous woman who will turn 30 at the end of this month!

Nick has been through some really tough times, but now he has a good and meaningful job working with individuals with disabilities. He's also recently married the most incredible woman we love so much!

And there have been so many other blessings over these past few years that I am so very thankful for.

And Yet, I Can't Avoid The Triggers

I know it may sound silly to some that I became so anxious when I found out that my upcoming scans were scheduled for the anniversary week of my diagnosis. But that first week of October always brings up a lot of anxiety for me. Actually, the whole month of October stirs up such mixed emotions.

In October 2016, I received my first breast cancer diagnosis. Then, in October 2020, just a few weeks after undergoing surgery for pancreatitis and gallbladder issues, a CT scan and biopsy confirmed that my cancer had returned.

I understand logically that experiencing bad news in October before doesn't necessarily mean it will happen again. But emotionally, that's a different matter.

I am determined not to let fear control me while waiting for the scans and then the results, but I know it won't be easy. I'll experience moments of panic and 'what ifs.' Unfortunately, it's a part of this journey.

Breast Cancer Awareness Month

My journey just happened to begin during Breast Cancer Awareness Month. As I mentioned, October is a month that evokes mixed emotions for me.

I truly value all the support that breast cancer survivors and thrivers receive in October. However, I understand that not all women feel the same about pink ribbons and pink-themed activities. For some, it serves as a painful reminder of their struggles.

Personally, I see it as a symbol of hope and a means to raise awareness. Nevertheless, there are still tough moments when dealing with it all can be hard.  

Embracing the pink!

BTW, I haven't mentioned this latest trigger to family or friends, so writing this has been very therapeutic for me....Thanks for listening, Y'all!