BREAST CANCER RELATED ANXIETY TRIGGER

I think that many of us who are diagnosed with cancer will experience stress, worry, or anxiety to some extent almost every day due to unexpected triggers on our journey. Some of these triggers may only make our hearts flutter for a moment or cause some brief moments of worry, but others can keep us up at night and cause more distress.

And sometimes, those triggers seem to just pop up out of left field.

My Most Recent Trigger

I got a call a couple of days ago from a scheduler about the CT and nuclear-med bone scans my doctor ordered. Finding a day for both scans took a while since one takes 3 hours. I didn't write down the details because I knew they would be posted on the patient portal.

The next day, I logged into the portal to check if the scans had been added so I could enter the details into my calendar. When I saw the date, I immediately felt a sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach. October 2nd? The date hadn't even registered with me when the scans were scheduled.

So What's The Deal With October 2nd?

October 2, 2016, was a Sunday. I remember it well because I was extremely anxious and teary-eyed all day, knowing I would be seeing a breast cancer physician/surgeon the following day for the results of my recent breast biopsy.

I was almost sure I would receive the devastating news of a breast cancer diagnosis, and the uncertainty of what would follow left me feeling utterly terrified.

I remember walking around my backyard, crying and praying. I begged God for more time here on earth. 

Conor had just started his sophomore year of high school, and Alex was in college. They both needed my support. Conor still relied on me, and Nick, who was living in Massachusetts, had been going through some life struggles and also needed my support. My older kids had their own families and were more settled, so I felt they weren't as vulnerable.

And then there was my husband, Ray. He needed me. He had just gotten through a heart attack and some surgeries. It was a really scary time for all of us, but things were finally starting to look up.

And yes, the following day, I did hear those dreaded words, "Pam, the results were positive for breast cancer."

And so my breast cancer journey began.....

The hardest part was definitely telling the kids. I didn't want my treatments to worry them or disrupt their lives. 

After talking to my Oncology team, I felt hopeful, and yet still worried. 

But God Answered Prayers

I've now watched Conor graduate from high school and grow into an amazing 23-year-old man. He's now still in college, working, and living about an hour and a half away.

I've watched Alex overcome some challenges and become a beautiful, intelligent, adventurous woman who will turn 30 at the end of this month!

Nick has been through some really tough times, but now he has a good and meaningful job working with individuals with disabilities. He's also recently married the most incredible woman we love so much!

And there have been so many other blessings over these past few years that I am so very thankful for.

And Yet, I Can't Avoid The Triggers

I know it may sound silly to some that I became so anxious when I found out that my upcoming scans were scheduled for the anniversary week of my diagnosis. But that first week of October always brings up a lot of anxiety for me. Actually, the whole month of October stirs up such mixed emotions.

In October 2016, I received my first breast cancer diagnosis. Then, in October 2020, just a few weeks after undergoing surgery for pancreatitis and gallbladder issues, a CT scan and biopsy confirmed that my cancer had returned.

I understand logically that experiencing bad news in October before doesn't necessarily mean it will happen again. But emotionally, that's a different matter.

I am determined not to let fear control me while waiting for the scans and then the results, but I know it won't be easy. I'll experience moments of panic and 'what ifs.' Unfortunately, it's a part of this journey.

Breast Cancer Awareness Month

My journey just happened to begin during Breast Cancer Awareness Month. As I mentioned, October is a month that evokes mixed emotions for me.

I truly value all the support that breast cancer survivors and thrivers receive in October. However, I understand that not all women feel the same about pink ribbons and pink-themed activities. For some, it serves as a painful reminder of their struggles.

Personally, I see it as a symbol of hope and a means to raise awareness. Nevertheless, there are still tough moments when dealing with it all can be hard.  

Embracing the pink!

BTW, I haven't mentioned this latest trigger to family or friends, so writing this has been very therapeutic for me....Thanks for listening, Y'all!

Rod Stewart-Vegas Trip Part 2

TUESDAY, AUGUST 6, 2024

We had a smooth flight from Atlanta and got a welcome surprise with cooler temperatures than we expected! It was only 114 degrees on the day we arrived, and it was a dry heat! We had been keeping an eye on the weather in Vegas for a couple of weeks and I gotta tell you... reading about daily highs that reached 120 degrees really freaked me out!

I was thrilled to see these billboards all around, even at the Las Vegas airport!

We decided to go out and see some sights. After our early flight and time difference, we didn't want to do anything too crazy. After all, tomorrow would be the BIG DAY!

TUESDAY, AUGUST 7, 2024

It's our anniversary! 42 years ago, we said, "I do!"

Our plan for the day was to head out for a bit of sightseeing and lunch, before going back to our hotel for a little rest before getting ready for Rod!

We were wandering around Paris Las Vegas when we found this really cute restaurant and decided it would be an excellent place for our anniversary lunch.

When Ray mentioned it was our anniversary, our adorable waiter, Max, brought us a special surprise! 

Happy 42nd Anniversary

TONIGHT'S THE NIGHT

While chatting with Max, we enthusiastically shared our excitement about seeing Rod that night. Max mentioned that he had heard Rod still puts on a fantastic show with so much energy, and he was sure we would have an incredible time!

When Max went to check on some other customers, I decided to take a quick peek at my email.

And...this was the first email that popped up....

Wait! What?????? NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO It took a minute for that to sink in. Ray thought I was joking at first. But I did some checking and saw this on Instagram....

This was unbelievable! He performed at Caesar's on Friday, Saturday, and Monday, and did some impromptu shows at other clubs on the strip, but now on Wednesday, he has to cancel? On the night I have tickets for? On our anniversary? NOOO!

Max came back to check on us and he couldn't believe the news about the canceled show either. He was so sweet, and he tried to think of some other shows or events we might be interested in, but I was still too shocked and upset to think about what we would do with our evening.

I tried to put on a happy face, especially when Max brought us this beautiful (and delicious) little cake! He was genuinely trying so hard to make us feel better. He even gave me a hug as we were leaving and said he hoped we would still have a lovely evening celebrating our anniversary.

I totally got why Rod had to cancel, and I only wanted what was best for him and his health, but I was still really, really, sad.

NO ROD?? WHAT NOW??

Ray knew how much I had been looking forward to seeing Rod at Caesar's Palace. He also knew me well enough to know that the only thing that might make me feel a little better about the situation would be a visit to a good Mexican restaurant! 

And a pitcher of Margaritas certainly wouldn't hurt!

Three women were sitting next to us in the restaurant, consoling themselves with a large pitcher of Margaritas. They had flown in from Maryland to see Rod Stewart and had even gone to the Colosseum with tickets in hand, only to find out the show had been canceled. 

Although I was disappointed about not seeing Rod, I thoroughly enjoyed a fantastic meal (and Margaritas) with Ray in celebration of our 42 years of marriage!

Wednesday morning, I woke up with a slight hangover and was having a tiny pity party for myself because I didn't get to see Rod. After having a lot of coffee and some food though, I started feeling better and was ready for some new adventures in Vegas!

And....later some very expensive lunch!

FREMONT STREET

Everyone we talked to prior to this trip insisted we needed to check out Fremont Street, so after a short nap, we hopped in a Lyft and headed there.

There were some interesting sights, but it was WAY TOO HOT to be walking around!

After some time wandering around the Fremont Street area, we were happy to find a place to eat that was a bit less crowded, quieter, and much cooler! Barry's was expensive, but the food and drinks were great, and the staff and atmosphere were superb!

We didn't really have any specific plans for the remainder of our trip. On Thursday and Friday, we enjoyed exploring more of the hotels and casinos on the strip, where we ate, drank, and enjoyed our time together.

                                                                 

                                           

There was so much good food! Amazingly, the walking seemed to have helped balance out some of the extra calories I consumed on the trip, as I didn't gain any weight!

When we were heading back to our hotel on Friday night, we encountered a lot of traffic near the stadium. Our Lyft driver informed us that the traffic was caused by the Morgen Wallen concert. It was the second day of sold-out Wallen concerts. I remarked to Ray, "That explains why we have seen so many young women wearing cowboy hats, boots, and skimpy outfits here in Vegas!" 

Later that night, I found out that Tom Brady, another favorite of mine, had escorted Wallen onto the stage for the show!

I GOT YOU BABE 🎶

So, Tommy was only 5 minutes from our hotel?? I told Ray about Brady being there, and I looked at him and said, "Sooo...Rod stood me up, Tommy didn't call to let me know he was in town, but ya know...(this part was sung with my best somewhat drunken Cher impersonation)...I GOT YOU BABE!!" 

I am incredibly thankful for my husband of 42 years. Rod's music has helped me through tough times, and Tom Brady's football gave me something to look forward to during my breast cancer treatments, but despite many challenges, Ray has been there in person, showing love and care throughout it all.

Even though our trip didn't go exactly as planned, we still had fun, and I'm thankful we were able to go.

Now....Rod Stewart in Vegas in March of 2025??? HMMMMM!!!!

Rod Stewart-Vegas Trip? Part-1

In my last post, I talked about how awesome it is to see Rod Stewart live in concert and mentioned I'd share more about that. 

So, A few months ago, an article popped up on my Facebook feed saying that after touring worldwide, Rod Stewart was coming back to Las Vegas in July to finish his 13-year residency at The Colosseum at Caesar's Palace. His final show would be on August 7th, which also happened to be the day my husband and I would be celebrating 42 years of marriage!

When I talked to my bestie that day, I jokingly told her that with the date, the stars lining up, and my love for Rod, it must be fate - I just had to go! But was I really joking? Before we hung up, we both agreed that we absolutely had to make the Vegas trip happen and that she and her husband would join us. Crazy, right?

As I have mentioned before, I rarely go anywhere these days because of my cancer treatments and the weak immune system that comes with them... So, a trip to Vegas would be absolutely out of the question?! Even to see Rod?? When I mentioned it to my hubby, he said, "Let's do it!" WHAT????!!

So, I didn't hesitate. I immediately went online and bought tickets for the show. A few weeks later, we booked our flights and hotel. There was no turning back now!

A SPANNER IN THE WORKS?

If you are a Rod Stewart fan (and if you are not...what is wrong with you??), you probably know that he had an album in 1995 called "A Spanner In The Works." I will admit that I had never heard this term before his album came out. It turns out it is mainly used in the UK.

What does it mean?

If someone or something throws a spanner in the works, they cause problems that prevent something from happening as planned. 

In this case, health issues threw a spanner in the works, forcing my friend and her husband to cancel their plans to join us in Vegas.  

I completely understood their reasons, but I was really sad that they couldn't go. I was looking forward to spending time in Vegas and seeing Rod together.

I was thinking of canceling the trip, but my bestie said, "No way!" After talking it over with Ray, we decided to go for it. Even though our friends couldn't come along, we were really looking forward to seeing our favorite performer and celebrating our anniversary.

So, the shopping began! I would need a cute but comfortable outfit for the concert and other clothes appropriate for Las Vegas! And FOUR pairs of shoes?!! And possibly a couple of new purses? Don't ask!

Even though my BBF (not a typo!) wouldn't be making the trip, she spent so many hours listening to me plan my wardrobe for the trip and had to look at endless photos of outfits. She is the best friend anyone could ever hope for! After some anxiety over what clothes to take, worry about blood counts that were lower than usual, and some family issues, things started to fall into place, and pretty soon, we were headed to Vegas, baby!

TO BE CONTINUED...

TOM BRADY AND ROD STEWART?

So...what do these two guys have in common!?? 

 Tom Brady                                                    Rod Stewart   

Hmmm....Let's start with Tom Brady, AKA "THE GOAT!!"

Tom Brady

During his 20 years with the New England Patriots, Tom Brady captivated the hearts of many fans, but my admiration for him only began in 2016 following a diagnosis of breast cancer. Throughout the many months of chemotherapy, surgery, and radiation, my world shrank to the confines of home, with only visits to the Cancer Center and hospital due to my compromised immune system.

In my family, the guys have always been big football fans and enjoyed watching games on weekends during the season, but I always found something else to do. The only football games I ever watched were the ones my son played in, and I never really understood the game then. When asked what position my son played, I would say I wasn't sure, but he looked adorable in his uniform! LOL Nick played football from the age of 6 until he graduated college, and I STILL didn't know much about the game, even though I attended every game and many practices!

6 y/o Nick

                                                                                                              

 

                           

One Sunday, after a tough week of chemo, I was too worn out to do anything, and yet so bored that I decided to hang out with the guys and watch a New England Patriots game. I mean, if you can't beat 'em, join 'em! Surprisingly, it was pretty exciting! I ended up watching the following week's game, and before I knew it, I was eagerly looking forward to each game.

I started to enjoy watching football and quickly became obsessed with Tom Brady and the New England Patriots! I loved seeing Tom Brady's impressive performances despite his "advanced age"!

Whenever I heard someone say Tom was getting too old and needed to retire from football, I would root for him even more. 

One day, when watching Tom Brady play and hearing the announcer mention his age, I said, "Tom, you aren't giving up, and this old woman isn't giving up. Now, let's fuckin' go! We've got this!" And I repeated that often.

I really enjoyed watching Brady play football, but I was also deeply moved when I heard him speak about his mother's battle with breast cancer. She was going through her own journey, and at the same time, I was facing my own challenges. His love and concern were genuinely touching. 

My family was surprised by my newfound love of football, and so was I. I was happy to have something to look forward to each week!

I was devastated when Tom left New England. I didn't care if people accused me of "jumping on the Buccaneers' bandwagon" when he joined their team. After all, I had grown to love the NE Patriots, but I was a Tom Brady fan first and foremost, so I would watch him in any uniform he put on! I was so happy when Ray and I were able to see him play in Atlanta!

TB12 in Atlanta!

 

I miss seeing Tom play football, but I will probably get my "Tommy" fix by watching him in his new Fox Sports NFL analyst career.

And then there is this "FOREVER YOUNG" "DYNAMITE" rocker-Sir Rod Stewart!

Rod Stewart

I have been a fan of Rod Stewart and his music for years. I really love his earlier work, from his Faces days to his early solo years, but honestly, I can't think of any of his music that I don't like.

Songs like "Maggie Mae," "You Wear It Well," "Reason To Believe," "Mandolin Wind," "You're In My Heart," "Passion," "People Get Ready," and "Forever Young" resonate with me. Yes, even "Hot Legs" and "Do Ya Think I'm Sexy"! "Ain't Love A Bitch," "Broken Arrow," "This Old Heart Of Mine"... The list could go on and on.

During my abusive first marriage, Rod's music gave me hope in moments when I felt like I couldn't take it anymore. I can't quite explain it, but it helped me so much. While I liked other singers and bands, Rod's music touched my soul. I listened to his music almost every day.

Although I haven't attended many concerts as an adult, I tried my best to find a way to go whenever Rod was in town! Rod is absolutely a fantastic performer!

I met Rod briefly after a concert in Atlanta in the 80s. My friend and I headed to a club immediately following the concert. To our surprise, Rod himself walked in! As we were leaving the club, Rod and his entourage were also leaving. I greeted him and got a bow and a kiss on my hand. He was such a gentleman! Quite unexpected for a bad-boy rock star! LOL

Rod at Mohegan Sun in '07!

My love for Rod is well known amongst my family and friends.

When my son Nick was little, he had to write a paper with a few facts about his Mom. He wrote, "My Mom cooks good food. My Mom loves me and Rod Stewart!" LOL, that's not a lie! At least not the part about loving him and Rod Stewart. The cooking part, well... 

When my son Robert married, we danced to "Have I Told You Lately That I Love You" by Rod Stewart for the mother-son dance.

In 2012, my husband and I renewed our wedding vows, and my sweet hubby sang, "Have I Told You Lately That I Love You."

TWO-TIME CANCER SURVIVOR

During my cancer treatments that began in October 2016, watching Tom Brady play football on the weekends really helped me feel better. Rod Stewart's music was also a huge source of comfort for me during those tough days and nights. It always lifted my spirits, and I relied on it a lot at that time.

 

"Since my cancer recurrence in 2020, I have found comfort in listening to my Rod Stewart playlist again. His songs never fail to cheer me up and bring a sense of peace during difficult times, making me believe in better days ahead. You could say that "Rod Stewart gives me a "REASON TO BELIEVE!"

COMMON DENOMINATOR?

So, as you can see, Rod and Tom have something in common...ME!! They have both helped me through some incredibly rough moments! 

I am very thankful for my wonderful family and amazing friends who have always loved and supported me. I couldn't have gotten through the past few years without them. However, I realize they each have their own lives and challenges, so I don't want to constantly burden them with my problems. Luckily, during difficult times, I always found comfort and distraction in Brady's football and Rod's music, which never failed to bring a smile to my face.

As I mentioned, I have always loved going to Rod Stewart's concerts and experiencing his live performances. I'll discuss this topic further in my upcoming post... Stay tuned!

Mr. and Mrs. Robbins

On April 13th, my son married Alison, the love of his life, and this Mama couldn't have been happier! 

Not a dry eye in the house after this beautiful ceremony!

Dance with my boy-I Hope You Dance-Lee Ann Womack

Robert, Alex, Conor, Pam, Nick

Tom, Kathy, Alison, Nick, Pam, Ray

Mr. and Mrs. Robbins

I'm overjoyed that my son Nick and his wonderful wife Alison met, fell madly in love, and are beginning this journey together. Instead of going on and on, I'll just share these wonderful photos. Spending the day with Nick, Alison, our families, and friends was simply amazing!

Just a few more shots from reception......

                                                                             

Don't ask!! LOL