CANCER AND HOLIDAY CHEER

The holiday season can be such a happy time of the year. However, for someone dealing with cancer, whether newly diagnosed, in treatment, a long-term survivor, or living with metastatic breast cancer, the holiday season can bring up a whole range of emotions.

This has always been the season for me to focus on reflection, goal setting, and planning for the future. I'm sad to say that has changed some since my diagnosis, and I tend to spend more time wondering and worrying about the future than I do making plans.

LET'S BE HONEST, CANCER SUCKS

As thankful as I am to be alive and thriving and to be able to spend time with my loved ones, even if primarily through phone calls or video chats, I still struggle at times with contrasting emotions. I can go from joyful and happy to sad and anxious in a heartbeat. 

I remind myself that it's okay when those not-so-cheerful feelings creep in. All our emotions are valid, and it's okay to acknowledge them, whether happy or sad.

It's okay to express these feelings to our family and friends. Cancer sucks, and it is sometimes cathartic to acknowledge that! 

NOT EVERY DAY IS A HAPPY HOLIDAY

As much as the holidays are known as a time to be happy, joyful, and festive....remember that even perfectly healthy people sometimes struggle to be "in the holiday spirit" during this time of year.

When dealing with a cancer diagnosis, it's perfectly normal to experience feelings of sadness, anger, and frustration over how cancer has changed our lives and even the way it has affected how we spend our holidays.

Cancer treatments and meds can cause us to have severely lowered immune systems, making parties and large family gatherings unsafe for us, especially now during cold and flu season and with COVID numbers up.

DON'T SUFFER IN SILENCE

If those sad and anxious thoughts and feelings take up too much space in your head, share the burden with family, friends, or a health professional. 

And please be patient, compassionate, and gentle with yourself. I'll bet even Santa isn't jolly ALL the time!

THANKFUL, GRATEFUL, and BLESSED

November is National Gratitude Month, and we are all encouraged to embrace the power of gratitude. I have so much to be grateful for, but family is at the top of that list.

Earlier this month, our son Nick and his fiancée Alison drove down from Boston to visit us in Dahlonega, GA, where we rented a cabin for the week. We had such a great time!

And just last week, our daughter Alex was able to join us for Thanksgiving all the way from Sioux Falls, SD! 

After three long years, we were overjoyed to finally see our daughter again. In 2020, she left for Flagstaff, AZ, and moved to Sioux Falls this past year. Although we kept in touch through phone calls and video chats, we were unable to physically hug each other. I can't express how much it meant to hug my daughter again. Her dad and I missed her so much!

Her brother, Conor, and our pup, Brady, have also missed her!

We didn't take nearly enough photos but were too busy enjoying each other's company. We spent our time talking, laughing, eating, playing board games, taking walks, watching some of our favorite TV shows together, and making a late evening visit to the ER for my UTI (which is a story for another post!). We also had a great time hanging out with Brady, who was overjoyed to receive so much love and attention from Alex and, for a time, Conor.

Our time together flew by too quickly, but we'll all be reunited in Boston for Nick and Alison's wedding in April!

SAYING GOODBYE AT THE AIRPORT WAS TOUGH.

I am indeed so very thankful, incredibly grateful, and unbelievably blessed!

CELEBRATING FAMILY

Our week-long stay in a charming mountaintop cabin in Dahlonega, GA, was an unforgettable celebration of life, love, and family.

Ray and I arrived at the cabin on Friday afternoon and were thrilled to see that it looked just as amazing as it had in the pictures!.

Our son Nick and his beautiful fiancée Alison arrived at the cabin on Saturday evening, and we were thrilled to see them! They had driven down from Boston, spent a couple of days visiting Alison's brother and his family in North Carolina, and then headed to Georgia to visit us.

Spending time with the newly engaged couple and celebrating their engagement was an absolute pleasure. We are eagerly looking forward to welcoming Alison as an official member of our family! We love her and are thrilled that she and our son have found each other.

Look at that gorgeous couple! And that ring!

Having Conor with us for a few days at the cabin was great. Conor lives, works, and attends college near Dahlonega, but we don't get to see him as much as we would like due to his busy schedule.

My cutie-Conor! He's just so grown up now!

We were so happy that our son Robert and his beautiful wife Jennifer could join us on Sunday! As Robert frequently travels for work, we weren't sure if they would be able to make it, but we were thrilled that they did! We had a fantastic time together, laughing, hugging, and indulging in delicious Mexican cuisine.

Jen, Robert, Nick, Alison, Pam, Ray, Conor

Alison, Jen, Pam

The happy couple!

Nacho, Nacho Man!

We laughed so much while playing Scattergories! We may have drank a bit also! LOL

Our adorable visitor!

We had a wonderful time with Nick and Alison, and it was hard to say goodbye to them when they left on Wednesday. They went to visit one of Alison's friends and her family in Atlanta before heading back to New England on Friday.

Sadly, we have not been able to see our family nearly often enough over the past few years due to Covid and my compromised immune system, and it was such a blessing to spend time with Nick, Alison, Conor, Robert, and Jen!

OUR NEXT FAMILY ADVENTURE

We are so excited that we will get to spend five days with our daughter Alex next week! I can't wait to give her a big hug! Although we wish she could have joined us in Dahlonega, we are thrilled to be able to celebrate Thanksgiving with her next week! Photos to come!!

October-Breast Cancer Awareness and Diagnosis

On October 3, 2016, the weather was beautiful and sunny. It was also the day I had an appointment with Dr. Quill, a breast surgeon, to receive the results of the biopsy that had been done a week earlier.

I was absolutely terrified. When Dr. Quill walked into the room, he didn't hesitate. He looked at me and said, "Well, you have tested positive for breast cancer." In my heart, I already knew what the biopsy results would reveal.

Before the biopsy, I had a diagnostic mammogram followed by an ultrasound. After the mammogram, the kind technician walked me to a waiting area for a doctor to examine the pictures. She started to walk away but then turned back, gave me a hug, and said, "It's gonna be okay." At that moment, I knew. But I was so thankful for that hug.

So, when Dr. Quill said those words to me, they were just confirmation. He sat down on a stool beside me and asked, "Are you ready to fight?" Oh, hell yeah, I was! He said that he and the rest of my team of doctors would use every weapon available to fight this thing. 

I can't really remember much from the few hours after that visit with Dr. Quill, but I do remember walking around my backyard later in the evening and having a chat with God. Begging might be a better way to describe what was happening. 

I remember feeling heartbroken about having to tell my kids. Conor was a high school junior, and his homecoming dance was that weekend. I distinctly remember insisting on waiting until after homecoming to tell him.

The rest of my kids were scattered about the country, so it wasn't like I could sit them all down and tell them this news. 

I somehow managed to break the news to my kids, other family members, and, finally, my friends. It was incredibly tough.

Today is October 21, 2023. Exactly seven years ago today, I had my first chemo treatment. It was the initial punch in that battle. This isn't necessarily something I want to celebrate, but I am celebrating the fact that seven years later, I am still here. I am still fighting, but I am still here and feeling pretty darn good most of the time!

BREAST CANCER AWARENESS MONTH

As you probably know, October is Breast Cancer Awareness Month. 

I received my breast cancer diagnosis on October 3, 2016. It's been seven years already?! 

I had planned to write about that day, but I can't seem to find the right words to express how I felt then or in the days following the diagnosis.

It was a very significant and emotional time for me, and I don't want to post something just for the sake of posting. I've been really busy lately, and my mind is all over the place right now, so I'll wait until sometime next week to share more about it. 

In the meantime, if you still need to get a mammogram this year, please go online or call your doctor's office to schedule one.

SCAN RESULTS

Since I mentioned in my last post that I was waiting on the results of some cancer-related scans, I thought I should let Y'all know the results!

As soon as I woke up on the day the results were due, I checked the patient portal for the Nuclear Bone Scan results. I was relieved that they were good since cancer often spreads to the bone.

I received the report for my abdomen and pelvis CT scan shortly after. Although there were a few things I didn't fully understand, I was relieved to see the phrase "No evidence of metastasis."

My chest CT scan results were the only ones not posted. I checked the portal every 15 minutes, wondering why they weren't there. Was something terrible showing up?

Earlier, breathing exercises and prayers helped, but I was still super-stressed. I tried stress-relieving methods from my previous post, did chores, lifted weights, and read, but none of those things kept me from wanting to know why the other scan results weren't on the patient portal.

I finally figured it was time to go ahead and utilize the all-time most effective stress relief supplement..................

SCIENTIFICALLY PROVEN TO REDUCE ANXIETY AND MAKE YOU HAPPY!

ICE CREAM REALLY CAN HELP WITH ANXIETY!

I think most of us can agree that ice cream is a great comfort food. But did you know there is a reason (besides the fact that ice cream just tastes amazing) that we tend to go to ice cream when we are sad or stressed?

Ice cream contains milk and L-tryptophan, an amino acid that helps reduce the nervous system's activity, making it a natural tranquilizer that can help reduce anxiety! It also stimulates the production of thrombospondin, which reduces stress and increases the hormones in your brain that translate to happiness! I'm not an expert nutritionist, but I have researched the subject extensively!

FINALLY

After feeling anxious for hours and eating a bowl of ice cream, I called my doctor's office to ask why I couldn't access my CT scan results. A nurse was able to access them and assured me that everything was fine. The line that said, "No evidence of metastasis within the chest, abdomen, or pelvis," was what I had been waiting and praying for.

Although I am relieved and thankful for the good news, the wait was incredibly stressful! Thank God for ice cream!!

CANCER AND ANXIETY ABOUT THE UNKNOWN

ANXIETY ABOUT THE UNKNOWN

Sitting here at 1:30 AM, unable to sleep, I decided to write about something that affects many cancer patients and survivors.

FEAR OF CANCER RECURRENCE OR PROGRESSION

I was initially diagnosed with breast cancer in October 2016. Following chemotherapy, surgery, and radiation, my scans showed positive results. My treatments had worked! 

However, in the autumn of 2020, a lymph node under my arm tested positive for cancer, and I started treatment once again.

I am now in remission, but I know my cancer can become active again.

Just because our cancer treatments have ended, and perhaps we are in remission or show no signs of cancer, that doesn't mean our fears magically disappear.

Even though I don't spend every moment or even every day worrying about a recurrence, the fear can just rear its ugly head at any time.

Whenever I get a new ache or pain, I immediately wonder if it's cancer. Even though logically, I know it's most likely not, I still have that irrational fear. Headache? Maybe it's a brain tumor? Stomach ache? I find myself Googling "Stomach Cancer."

TRIGGERS

Everything could be fine, and then something triggers my fear. It could be a cancer medication commercial on TV or a TV show where someone dies from cancer, especially if it's breast cancer. And routine scans....those cancer-related scans really set off those out-of-control fears and emotions.

SCANXIETY

Right now, I'm waiting for the results of the CT and bone scans I had done on Monday, and of course... I'm stressed and full of scanxiety, which I've discussed before. 

LEARN SOME EFFECTIVE COPING STRATEGIES

Just as cancer treatment isn't one size fits all, neither are the methods that work for dealing with stress and anxiety issues. 

I'm not gonna lie...It's an ongoing struggle to keep my brain from going to dark places.

Since I can't control the results of those scans or whether my cancer returns, I try to focus on other things- things that make me feel good and distract me from the worry. Like getting plenty of rest, laughing with friends on the phone, going for walks, talking to family members, and loving on my sweet pup-Brady! TV is also a great distraction for me.

If you are experiencing cancer-related anxiety yourself, here are some other suggestions for things that might also help:

• Try starting a gratitude journal or a blog.
• Meditation, prayer, or other spiritual support might be helpful.
• Mindfulness activities such as yoga might help with focus and anxiety levels.
• Exercise such as walking or simply playing music and moving to the rhythm can be relaxing and fun. 
• Get help through support groups or counseling.
• Talk to your doctor about using anti-anxiety or anti-depressant meds.
• Volunteering and helping others can give a sense of meaning and help turn attention to others. 

POSITIVE ATTITUDE

I try to keep a positive attitude, but it's not always possible.

So many articles on cancer suggest that a positive attitude can stop cancer from growing or returning. However, cancer isn't caused by a person's negative attitude, nor is it made worse by our thoughts. I refuse to beat myself up or let people make me feel guilty when I feel sad, angry, anxious, or scared.

I guess what it all boils down to is that we shouldn't let anyone else tell us how to feel or deal with our feelings regarding OUR cancer journey.

We all need our friends and loved ones to love and support us through our journey, but we don't need them to think they know best how we should handle our thoughts, feelings, or emotions. 

If you are in the middle of your own cancer journey, I would be happy to answer any questions you might have about my journey. As for you and your personal journey, I would say that I wish you the best, and.....

YOU, DO YOU! 

PS. If I am rambling more than usual in this post, please remember that I'm super stressed while waiting for my scan results AND that it's the middle of the night! 

New England Visit

TRIP TO NEW ENGLAND

Here it is, the end of June, and I am just getting around to posting about our exciting adventure from the middle of May!

The Robbins family had been unable to travel for a while due to my cancer treatments and weakened immune system. The pandemic further complicated things. But I'm thrilled to say that we finally managed to make our way to Boston to visit our son Nick and to meet his wonderful girlfriend, Alison!

Alison, Pam, Nick, Conor, Ray

Alison's charm had won us over even before we had the opportunity to meet her in person. We adored her even before our face-to-face encounter! And now we love her even more! 

FRIENDS WHO ARE FAMILY

On the first night of our visit, we got to meet Nick's dear friends, Jen and Yannick. It was instantly evident that they were not just Nick's friends but his extended family in New England. We had so much fun, and we loved them both!

We had a wonderful time at The Irish Cottage Restaurant and Pub, enjoying a variety of scrumptious dishes, strong drinks, and delightful conversation!

Ray, Jen, Yannick

And then there was ice cream.......

NEWBURYPORT, MA

Agave Mexican Bistro

We had heard about the delicious food at Agave Mexican Bistro, and the food and drinks did not disappoint! And I might have overindulged in both!

SEA LEVEL OYSTER BAR

Sea Level Oyster Bar was another great restaurant we visited in Newburyport.

I was so excited to finally enjoy some fresh seafood again! Sea Level did not disappoint....my fried scallops were delicious! 

                             

And then there was the time we met that weird British guy.......

MEET THE PARENTS

On Saturday, we had the pleasure of visiting Alison's parents' lovely home for a delightful meal and fantastic company!

Kathy, Katie, Tom, Conor, Ray, Pam

They welcomed us warmly and made us feel at home from the moment we arrived. 

Nick's friends, Alex and Tom, were in town for the day, and we were happy to have them join us!

Alex, Tom, Alison, Nick, and Alison's adorable nephew-Vincent.

BEACH DAY WITH KATHY

On a day when Nick and Alison were busy with work, Kathy kindly offered to drive us up the coast to view some of the beautiful beaches. I can't tell you how much I enjoyed seeing the ocean again after such a long time.

Kathy was a great companion and an excellent tour guide!

                                             

                        

We spotted a beautiful solitary flower flourishing amidst the rocky terrain. Conor kindly ventured down to snap a photo for me.

           

We stopped at a lovely roadside place for ice cream on our way back to Merrimac! I didn't get photos of the ice cream, but I did get some cute shots of Kathy and Conor.        

  

                                                   

BOSTON IN THE SPRINGTIME

There is nothing quite like Boston on a nice spring day!

                                                      

Food and drinks at The Black Rose. 

Since we would be leaving early the next morning, Alison's sister Katie and Katie's handsome son Marty stopped by Nick and Alison's to say goodbye after Marty's baseball game. I wanted to make sure to share a photo of them all - Katie's son Marty is absolutely adorable! 

        

Our trip was beyond amazing! Seeing Nick again and meeting Alison and her family filled my heart with joy!

The welcome we received was heartwarming. There are so many more memories to share, but this post is already pretty long, so I will save those for another time!

I can't wait for our next visit!