GOODBYES

Last month, I visited the Cancer Center for my regular monthly appointment and saw my oncologist of eight years for the last time. Dr. Saker has been my doctor since my initial cancer diagnosis in October 2016, but he is retiring at the end of this month. Saying goodbye was really tough.

 

When I first met Dr. Saker, I was a complete wreck. I had so many questions swirling in my head, and some I was too scared to ask because I wasn’t sure I wanted to hear the answers. Thoughts about cancer, chemotherapy, surgery, and even death weighed heavily on me.

After having in-depth conversations with both Dr. Saker and Dr. Quill, the now-retired surgeon who performed my mastectomy, I began to feel much more reassured and hopeful about my future. Both doctors were everything I could have hoped for in my cancer treatment.

MORE GOODBYES

Yesterday was my final visit to the Lawrenceville office, where I have received my treatments since the beginning of this journey.

It was an emotional moment for me as I had to say goodbye to two amazing individuals who have played a significant role in my experience: Wan Yang, PA-C, and Lisa. Over the years, Wan has provided me with invaluable medical expertise, genuine concern, and kindness. It will take at least three or four people to fill his shoes at SHO!

When you walk into the Infusion Suite, the first person you see is Lisa. She is always there with a smile and a warm hug! I’m not even sure what her official job title is, but I genuinely believe that her smile and kind heart have the power to cure many ailments. Lisa is also a breast cancer survivor herself. Since I'll be getting treatments at a new location, I won't see Lisa regularly, which makes me sad.

However, I will definitely visit her whenever I’m in the area!

Lisa and Pam

I’ll miss many people at Suburban Hematology Oncology in Lawrenceville, GA, but saying goodbye to Dr. Saker, Wan, and Lisa really hits differently.

After a very emotional morning filled with tears, I decided that a bit of whipped cream on my coffee in the Survivor mug was just what the doctor ordered!

BREAST CANCER RELATED ANXIETY TRIGGER

I think that many of us who are diagnosed with cancer will experience stress, worry, or anxiety to some extent almost every day due to unexpected triggers on our journey. Some of these triggers may only make our hearts flutter for a moment or cause some brief moments of worry, but others can keep us up at night and cause more distress.

And sometimes, those triggers seem to just pop up out of left field.

My Most Recent Trigger

I got a call a couple of days ago from a scheduler about the CT and nuclear-med bone scans my doctor ordered. Finding a day for both scans took a while since one takes 3 hours. I didn't write down the details because I knew they would be posted on the patient portal.

The next day, I logged into the portal to check if the scans had been added so I could enter the details into my calendar. When I saw the date, I immediately felt a sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach. October 2nd? The date hadn't even registered with me when the scans were scheduled.

So What's The Deal With October 2nd?

October 2, 2016, was a Sunday. I remember it well because I was extremely anxious and teary-eyed all day, knowing I would be seeing a breast cancer physician/surgeon the following day for the results of my recent breast biopsy.

I was almost sure I would receive the devastating news of a breast cancer diagnosis, and the uncertainty of what would follow left me feeling utterly terrified.

I remember walking around my backyard, crying and praying. I begged God for more time here on earth. 

Conor had just started his sophomore year of high school, and Alex was in college. They both needed my support. Conor still relied on me, and Nick, who was living in Massachusetts, had been going through some life struggles and also needed my support. My older kids had their own families and were more settled, so I felt they weren't as vulnerable.

And then there was my husband, Ray. He needed me. He had just gotten through a heart attack and some surgeries. It was a really scary time for all of us, but things were finally starting to look up.

And yes, on October 3, 2016, I received the dreaded news: "Pam, the results came back positive for breast cancer."

And so my breast cancer journey began.....

The hardest part was definitely telling the kids. I didn't want my treatments to worry them or disrupt their lives. 

After talking to my Oncology team, I felt hopeful, and yet still worried. 

But God Answered Prayers

I've now watched Conor graduate from high school and grow into an amazing 23-year-old man. He's now still in college, working, and living about an hour and a half away.

I've watched Alex overcome some challenges and become a beautiful, intelligent, adventurous woman who will turn 30 at the end of this month!

Nick has been through some really tough times, but now he has a good and meaningful job working with individuals with disabilities. He's also recently married the most incredible woman we love so much!

And there have been so many other blessings over these past few years that I am so very thankful for.

And Yet, I Can't Avoid The Triggers

I know it may sound silly to some that I became so anxious when I found out that my upcoming scans were scheduled for the anniversary week of my diagnosis. But that first week of October always brings up a lot of anxiety for me. Actually, the whole month of October stirs up such mixed emotions.

In October 2016, I received my first breast cancer diagnosis. Then, in October 2020, just a few weeks after undergoing surgery for pancreatitis and gallbladder issues, a CT scan and biopsy confirmed that my cancer had returned.

I understand logically that experiencing bad news in October before doesn't necessarily mean it will happen again. But emotionally, that's a different matter.

I am determined not to let fear control me while waiting for the scans and then the results, but I know it won't be easy. I'll experience moments of panic and 'what ifs.' Unfortunately, it's a part of this journey.

Breast Cancer Awareness Month

My journey just happened to begin during Breast Cancer Awareness Month. As I mentioned, October is a month that evokes mixed emotions for me.

I truly value all the support that breast cancer survivors and thrivers receive in October. However, I understand that not all women feel the same about pink ribbons and pink-themed activities. For some, it serves as a painful reminder of their struggles.

Personally, I see it as a symbol of hope and a means to raise awareness. Nevertheless, there are still tough moments when dealing with it all can be hard.  

Embracing the pink!

BTW, I haven't mentioned this latest trigger to family or friends, so writing this has been very therapeutic for me....Thanks for listening, Y'all!

Rod Stewart-Vegas Trip Part 2

TUESDAY, AUGUST 6, 2024

We had a smooth flight from Atlanta and got a welcome surprise with cooler temperatures than we expected! It was only 114 degrees on the day we arrived, and it was a dry heat! We had been keeping an eye on the weather in Vegas for a couple of weeks and I gotta tell you... reading about daily highs that reached 120 degrees really freaked me out!

I was thrilled to see these billboards all around, even at the Las Vegas airport!

We decided to go out and see some sights. After our early flight and time difference, we didn't want to do anything too crazy. After all, tomorrow would be the BIG DAY!

TUESDAY, AUGUST 7, 2024

It's our anniversary! 42 years ago, we said, "I do!"

Our plan for the day was to head out for a bit of sightseeing and lunch, before going back to our hotel for a little rest before getting ready for Rod!

We were wandering around Paris Las Vegas when we found this really cute restaurant and decided it would be an excellent place for our anniversary lunch.

When Ray mentioned it was our anniversary, our adorable waiter, Max, brought us a special surprise! 

Happy 42nd Anniversary

TONIGHT'S THE NIGHT

While chatting with Max, we enthusiastically shared our excitement about seeing Rod that night. Max mentioned that he had heard Rod still puts on a fantastic show with so much energy, and he was sure we would have an incredible time!

When Max went to check on some other customers, I decided to take a quick peek at my email.

And...this was the first email that popped up....

Wait! What?????? NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO It took a minute for that to sink in. Ray thought I was joking at first. But I did some checking and saw this on Instagram....

This was unbelievable! He performed at Caesar's on Friday, Saturday, and Monday, and did some impromptu shows at other clubs on the strip, but now on Wednesday, he has to cancel? On the night I have tickets for? On our anniversary? NOOO!

Max came back to check on us and he couldn't believe the news about the canceled show either. He was so sweet, and he tried to think of some other shows or events we might be interested in, but I was still too shocked and upset to think about what we would do with our evening.

I tried to put on a happy face, especially when Max brought us this beautiful (and delicious) little cake! He was genuinely trying so hard to make us feel better. He even gave me a hug as we were leaving and said he hoped we would still have a lovely evening celebrating our anniversary.

I totally got why Rod had to cancel, and I only wanted what was best for him and his health, but I was still really, really, sad.

NO ROD?? WHAT NOW??

Ray knew how much I had been looking forward to seeing Rod at Caesar's Palace. He also knew me well enough to know that the only thing that might make me feel a little better about the situation would be a visit to a good Mexican restaurant! 

And a pitcher of Margaritas certainly wouldn't hurt!

Three women were sitting next to us in the restaurant, consoling themselves with a large pitcher of Margaritas. They had flown in from Maryland to see Rod Stewart and had even gone to the Colosseum with tickets in hand, only to find out the show had been canceled. 

Although I was disappointed about not seeing Rod, I thoroughly enjoyed a fantastic meal (and Margaritas) with Ray in celebration of our 42 years of marriage!

Wednesday morning, I woke up with a slight hangover and was having a tiny pity party for myself because I didn't get to see Rod. After having a lot of coffee and some food though, I started feeling better and was ready for some new adventures in Vegas!

And....later some very expensive lunch!

FREMONT STREET

Everyone we talked to prior to this trip insisted we needed to check out Fremont Street, so after a short nap, we hopped in a Lyft and headed there.

There were some interesting sights, but it was WAY TOO HOT to be walking around!

After some time wandering around the Fremont Street area, we were happy to find a place to eat that was a bit less crowded, quieter, and much cooler! Barry's was expensive, but the food and drinks were great, and the staff and atmosphere were superb!

We didn't really have any specific plans for the remainder of our trip. On Thursday and Friday, we enjoyed exploring more of the hotels and casinos on the strip, where we ate, drank, and enjoyed our time together.

                                                                 

                                           

There was so much good food! Amazingly, the walking seemed to have helped balance out some of the extra calories I consumed on the trip, as I didn't gain any weight!

When we were heading back to our hotel on Friday night, we encountered a lot of traffic near the stadium. Our Lyft driver informed us that the traffic was caused by the Morgen Wallen concert. It was the second day of sold-out Wallen concerts. I remarked to Ray, "That explains why we have seen so many young women wearing cowboy hats, boots, and skimpy outfits here in Vegas!" 

Later that night, I found out that Tom Brady, another favorite of mine, had escorted Wallen onto the stage for the show!

I GOT YOU BABE 🎶

So, Tommy was only 5 minutes from our hotel?? I told Ray about Brady being there, and I looked at him and said, "Sooo...Rod stood me up, Tommy didn't call to let me know he was in town, but ya know...(this part was sung with my best somewhat drunken Cher impersonation)...I GOT YOU BABE!!" 

I am incredibly thankful for my husband of 42 years. Rod's music has helped me through tough times, and Tom Brady's football gave me something to look forward to during my breast cancer treatments, but despite many challenges, Ray has been there in person, showing love and care throughout it all.

Even though our trip didn't go exactly as planned, we still had fun, and I'm thankful we were able to go.

Now....Rod Stewart in Vegas in March of 2025??? HMMMMM!!!!

Rod Stewart-Vegas Trip? Part-1

In my last post, I talked about how awesome it is to see Rod Stewart live in concert and mentioned I'd share more about that. 

So, A few months ago, an article popped up on my Facebook feed saying that after touring worldwide, Rod Stewart was coming back to Las Vegas in July to finish his 13-year residency at The Colosseum at Caesar's Palace. His final show would be on August 7th, which also happened to be the day my husband and I would be celebrating 42 years of marriage!

When I talked to my bestie that day, I jokingly told her that with the date, the stars lining up, and my love for Rod, it must be fate - I just had to go! But was I really joking? Before we hung up, we both agreed that we absolutely had to make the Vegas trip happen and that she and her husband would join us. Crazy, right?

As I have mentioned before, I rarely go anywhere these days because of my cancer treatments and the weak immune system that comes with them... So, a trip to Vegas would be absolutely out of the question?! Even to see Rod?? When I mentioned it to my hubby, he said, "Let's do it!" WHAT????!!

So, I didn't hesitate. I immediately went online and bought tickets for the show. A few weeks later, we booked our flights and hotel. There was no turning back now!

A SPANNER IN THE WORKS?

If you are a Rod Stewart fan (and if you are not...what is wrong with you??), you probably know that he had an album in 1995 called "A Spanner In The Works." I will admit that I had never heard this term before his album came out. It turns out it is mainly used in the UK.

What does it mean?

If someone or something throws a spanner in the works, they cause problems that prevent something from happening as planned. 

In this case, health issues threw a spanner in the works, forcing my friend and her husband to cancel their plans to join us in Vegas.  

I completely understood their reasons, but I was really sad that they couldn't go. I was looking forward to spending time in Vegas and seeing Rod together.

I was thinking of canceling the trip, but my bestie said, "No way!" After talking it over with Ray, we decided to go for it. Even though our friends couldn't come along, we were really looking forward to seeing our favorite performer and celebrating our anniversary.

So, the shopping began! I would need a cute but comfortable outfit for the concert and other clothes appropriate for Las Vegas! And FOUR pairs of shoes?!! And possibly a couple of new purses? Don't ask!

Even though my BBF (not a typo!) wouldn't be making the trip, she spent so many hours listening to me plan my wardrobe for the trip and had to look at endless photos of outfits. She is the best friend anyone could ever hope for! After some anxiety over what clothes to take, worry about blood counts that were lower than usual, and some family issues, things started to fall into place, and pretty soon, we were headed to Vegas, baby!

TO BE CONTINUED...

LYMPHEDEMA IS NOT JUST A LITTLE SWELLING

Most of you are familiar with this little box, right? Those of us on Facebook see it every time we log on to our accounts. 

              

One of my morning rituals is to sit down with a cup of coffee and log on to FB to see what my friends are up to. I typically scroll past the "What's on your mind?" box since I'm generally not coherent enough to share my thoughts until after my second cup of coffee. This morning, however, I just sat glaring at it while thinking.......

"Want to know what's on my mind, Facebook? Lymphedema SUCKS! That's what's on my mind! Thanks for asking!"

I didn't share that thought on FB, but I decided to share it here because I'm really frustrated. I did warn Y'all that I'm prone to pitching the occasional hissy fit, and I am definitely in hissy fit pitching mode today!

One of the things I find so frustrating about having lymphedema is that sometimes, after working diligently to get it under control by doing everything I've been taught to do, I have a significant flare-up for no apparent reason...WTH??

And that's what I'm dealing with right now. I've been doing my exercises, wearing my compression sleeve, and doing everything else daily(ish) that my OT wants me to do for my lymphedema, but here I am with a big fat Popeye arm this morning.

Maybe I was hesitant to mention my lymphedema flare-up on FB this morning because the last time I spoke about it there, someone asked, "Isn't lymphedema just a little swelling? Like when you consume too much salt??"  I felt like SCREAMING!! NOOO, it is NOT JUST A LITTLE SWELLING!

In all fairness, most people not affected directly by lymphedema probably don't know much about it. I had no clue what it was myself until my surgeon talked to me about it before my mastectomy. 

WHAT IS LYMPHEDEMA

Here is a brief description of lymphedema from a pamphlet I was given after my mastectomy--

Lymphedema is tissue swelling caused by an accumulation of protein-rich fluid usually drained through the body's lymphatic system. It most commonly affects the arms and legs but can also occur in the chest wall, abdomen, neck, and genitals. 

Lymph nodes are an essential part of your lymphatic system. Lymphedema can be caused by cancer treatments that remove or damage your lymph nodes. In addition, any type of problem that blocks the drainage of lymph fluid can cause lymphedema. 

Severe cases of lymphedema can affect the ability to move the affected limb, increase the risks of skin infections and sepsis, and can lead to skin changes and breakdown. 

TWO TYPES OF LYMPHEDEMA

Primary Lymphedema. Primary lymphedema is a rare disease that occurs when the lymphatic system has not developed adequately or is not functioning as it should from birth due to a genetic condition. It is called primary because the impairment is not due to a secondary cause like illness or injury. 

Secondary Lymphedema. Secondary lymphedema can happen if the lymphatic system is damaged from surgery, trauma, or radiation therapy. It is most common in people who have had breast cancer treatment, but not everyone who has breast cancer treatment gets lymphedema. 

EARLY DIAGNOSIS AND TREATMENT

Unfortunately, I was one of the ones who developed lymphedema shortly after my radiation therapy.

My surgeon had warned me that I was at high risk for developing lymphedema since he would be removing several lymph nodes (it turned out to be 11) and because I would undergo 33 radiation treatments.  

I am so thankful that my incredible surgeon, Dr. Quill, discussed the importance of watching for any signs or symptoms of lymphedema. He explained that diagnosing and treating mild and early-onset lymphedema is critical for halting the progression of this lifelong and often debilitating condition. 

Dr. Quill said that even the best oncologists rarely discuss lymphedema with their patients. Instead, they treat your cancer but don't address other aspects of the disease that can impact your life afterward, both emotionally and physically.

SYMPTOMS OF LYMPHEDEMA  INCLUDE:

• Swelling
• Heaviness and tightness, which might include tighter-fitting jewelry
• Small blisters that leak clear fluid
• Dull aching or other pain
• Skin thickening or hardening, which can sometimes look like an orange peel

Symptoms may occur gradually over weeks, months, or even years after cancer treatment. 

HEALTH COMPLICATIONS OF LYMPHEDEMA

Skin infections (cellulitis). The trapped fluid provides fertile ground for germs. The slightest injury to the arm can be an entry point for infection. The affected skin can appear red and swollen and is usually painful and warm to the touch. Your doctor will most likely want to prescribe antibiotics to keep on hand so you can start taking them immediately.

Sepsis. Untreated cellulitis can spread into the bloodstream and trigger sepsis, a potentially life-threatening condition that occurs when the body's response to an infection damages its own tissues. Sepsis requires immediate emergency medical treatment.

Skin changes. In people with severe lymphedema, the skin of the affected limb can thicken and harden to resemble an elephant's skin.

Cancer. A rare form of soft tissue cancer can result from the most severe cases of untreated lymphedema.

So, NO, lymphedema isn't "just a little swelling." 

And yes, lymphedema is a chronic disease, and sometimes flare-ups seem to come out of nowhere. However, with proper education, prevention practices, and management techniques, we can often prevent these flare-ups or at least manage the symptoms and get the swelling under control. 

I'm not an expert on lymphedema by any means, but I have learned a lot about it through online research, from my lymphedema therapist, and, of course, through my own experience. 

I will discuss some suggested treatments and management techniques in an upcoming post. I'll also share some things that have helped me with my journey with lymphedema. And hopefully, I will have good news about this most recent flare-up of mine! 

If you have any questions, feel free to ask!

PS. As I struggled with writing this post and figuring out how to explain lymphedema, I decided to take a break and check my email. One of the first emails that popped up was from a place where I purchased some of my compression garments. It was a reminder that today is March 1st and that March is Lymphedema Awareness Month.

THIS AIN'T MY FIRST PINK RODEO

Hey Y'all! I’m Pam, welcome to my new blog! Some of you might remember that I’ve had a few blogs in the past. I used to write about my adventures in running, especially marathons. Can you believe it? I used to tackle those long distances! I might not have been the fastest, but I did my best!

In October 2016, I faced a major life challenge when I was diagnosed with breast cancer. To document my journey through chemotherapy, surgery, and radiation, I started a blog. I also shared my experiences dealing with moments of "chemo brain."

Once I completed my treatments, I attempted to create a new blog covering various random topics. However, that blog eventually died due to neglect. 

During the pandemic, I had plenty of time to write, but I wasn't going anywhere or doing anything other than watching TV and eating, so I didn't have anything worth sharing in a blog. I suppose I could have written about the countless times I sought comfort food in the kitchen!

2020

2020 was an incredibly stressful year due to the pandemic and quarantine. To make matters worse, I received a diagnosis of cancer recurrence.

I got my second diagnosis in early November 2020. After discussing my new treatment plan with my oncologist, a nurse handed me a card and told me to call the number on it to schedule an appointment for my husband and me to attend a Cancer Orientation class with an oncology nurse. A what? Seriously, do you think I need a lesson on how to have cancer??

The nurse was great, but this was old news, other than what side effects I could expect from my new meds. I just felt like screaming....."EXCUSE ME...THIS AIN'T MY FIRST PINK RODEO!" 

ON THE BLOG AGAIN?

So, why am I starting to blog again now? Well, I have more to write about these days. But do I have anything meaningful to contribute to the blogging world? I'm definitely not a professional writer; my grammar could use some improvement, and with my ongoing struggles from chemo brain, I find it challenging to construct a coherent sentence.

Despite these challenges, I feel compelled to blog. Two years after my second cancer diagnosis, I believe I might have insights that could help someone else on their breast cancer journey.

NEW BLOG?

After considering whether to revive one of my old blogs, I've decided to start a new one instead, believing that a fresh start is the best approach. 

While I plan to cover a variety of topics, my primary focus will be sharing my experiences with cancer for the second time. Although I’ve never been to an actual rodeo, I thought it would be fitting to name my blog: 

**THIS AIN'T MY FIRST PINK RODEO**

This new blog is still a work in progress, and I appreciate you stopping by. I’ll be back soon with my first official post!