GOODBYES

Last month, I visited the Cancer Center for my regular monthly appointment and saw my oncologist of eight years for the last time. Dr. Saker has been my doctor since my initial cancer diagnosis in October 2016, but he is retiring at the end of this month. Saying goodbye was really tough.

 

When I first met Dr. Saker, I was a complete wreck. I had so many questions swirling in my head, and some I was too scared to ask because I wasn’t sure I wanted to hear the answers. Thoughts about cancer, chemotherapy, surgery, and even death weighed heavily on me.

After having in-depth conversations with both Dr. Saker and Dr. Quill, the now-retired surgeon who performed my mastectomy, I began to feel much more reassured and hopeful about my future. Both doctors were everything I could have hoped for in my cancer treatment.

MORE GOODBYES

Yesterday was my final visit to the Lawrenceville office, where I have received my treatments since the beginning of this journey.

It was an emotional moment for me as I had to say goodbye to two amazing individuals who have played a significant role in my experience: Wan Yang, PA-C, and Lisa. Over the years, Wan has provided me with invaluable medical expertise, genuine concern, and kindness. It will take at least three or four people to fill his shoes at SHO!

When you walk into the Infusion Suite, the first person you see is Lisa. She is always there with a smile and a warm hug! I’m not even sure what her official job title is, but I genuinely believe that her smile and kind heart have the power to cure many ailments. Lisa is also a breast cancer survivor herself. Since I'll be getting treatments at a new location, I won't see Lisa regularly, which makes me sad.

However, I will definitely visit her whenever I’m in the area!

Lisa and Pam

I’ll miss many people at Suburban Hematology Oncology in Lawrenceville, GA, but saying goodbye to Dr. Saker, Wan, and Lisa really hits differently.

After a very emotional morning filled with tears, I decided that a bit of whipped cream on my coffee in the Survivor mug was just what the doctor ordered!

BREAST CANCER RELATED ANXIETY TRIGGER

I think that many of us who are diagnosed with cancer will experience stress, worry, or anxiety to some extent almost every day due to unexpected triggers on our journey. Some of these triggers may only make our hearts flutter for a moment or cause some brief moments of worry, but others can keep us up at night and cause more distress.

And sometimes, those triggers seem to just pop up out of left field.

My Most Recent Trigger

I got a call a couple of days ago from a scheduler about the CT and nuclear-med bone scans my doctor ordered. Finding a day for both scans took a while since one takes 3 hours. I didn't write down the details because I knew they would be posted on the patient portal.

The next day, I logged into the portal to check if the scans had been added so I could enter the details into my calendar. When I saw the date, I immediately felt a sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach. October 2nd? The date hadn't even registered with me when the scans were scheduled.

So What's The Deal With October 2nd?

October 2, 2016, was a Sunday. I remember it well because I was extremely anxious and teary-eyed all day, knowing I would be seeing a breast cancer physician/surgeon the following day for the results of my recent breast biopsy.

I was almost sure I would receive the devastating news of a breast cancer diagnosis, and the uncertainty of what would follow left me feeling utterly terrified.

I remember walking around my backyard, crying and praying. I begged God for more time here on earth. 

Conor had just started his sophomore year of high school, and Alex was in college. They both needed my support. Conor still relied on me, and Nick, who was living in Massachusetts, had been going through some life struggles and also needed my support. My older kids had their own families and were more settled, so I felt they weren't as vulnerable.

And then there was my husband, Ray. He needed me. He had just gotten through a heart attack and some surgeries. It was a really scary time for all of us, but things were finally starting to look up.

And yes, on October 3, 2016, I received the dreaded news: "Pam, the results came back positive for breast cancer."

And so my breast cancer journey began.....

The hardest part was definitely telling the kids. I didn't want my treatments to worry them or disrupt their lives. 

After talking to my Oncology team, I felt hopeful, and yet still worried. 

But God Answered Prayers

I've now watched Conor graduate from high school and grow into an amazing 23-year-old man. He's now still in college, working, and living about an hour and a half away.

I've watched Alex overcome some challenges and become a beautiful, intelligent, adventurous woman who will turn 30 at the end of this month!

Nick has been through some really tough times, but now he has a good and meaningful job working with individuals with disabilities. He's also recently married the most incredible woman we love so much!

And there have been so many other blessings over these past few years that I am so very thankful for.

And Yet, I Can't Avoid The Triggers

I know it may sound silly to some that I became so anxious when I found out that my upcoming scans were scheduled for the anniversary week of my diagnosis. But that first week of October always brings up a lot of anxiety for me. Actually, the whole month of October stirs up such mixed emotions.

In October 2016, I received my first breast cancer diagnosis. Then, in October 2020, just a few weeks after undergoing surgery for pancreatitis and gallbladder issues, a CT scan and biopsy confirmed that my cancer had returned.

I understand logically that experiencing bad news in October before doesn't necessarily mean it will happen again. But emotionally, that's a different matter.

I am determined not to let fear control me while waiting for the scans and then the results, but I know it won't be easy. I'll experience moments of panic and 'what ifs.' Unfortunately, it's a part of this journey.

Breast Cancer Awareness Month

My journey just happened to begin during Breast Cancer Awareness Month. As I mentioned, October is a month that evokes mixed emotions for me.

I truly value all the support that breast cancer survivors and thrivers receive in October. However, I understand that not all women feel the same about pink ribbons and pink-themed activities. For some, it serves as a painful reminder of their struggles.

Personally, I see it as a symbol of hope and a means to raise awareness. Nevertheless, there are still tough moments when dealing with it all can be hard.  

Embracing the pink!

BTW, I haven't mentioned this latest trigger to family or friends, so writing this has been very therapeutic for me....Thanks for listening, Y'all!

TOM BRADY AND ROD STEWART?

So...what do these two guys have in common!?? 

 Tom Brady                                                    Rod Stewart   

Hmmm....Let's start with Tom Brady, AKA "THE GOAT!!"

Tom Brady

During his 20 years with the New England Patriots, Tom Brady captivated the hearts of many fans, but my admiration for him only began in 2016 following a diagnosis of breast cancer. Throughout the many months of chemotherapy, surgery, and radiation, my world shrank to the confines of home, with only visits to the Cancer Center and hospital due to my compromised immune system.

In my family, the guys have always been big football fans and enjoyed watching games on weekends during the season, but I always found something else to do. The only football games I ever watched were the ones my son played in, and I never really understood the game then. When asked what position my son played, I would say I wasn't sure, but he looked adorable in his uniform! LOL Nick played football from the age of 6 until he graduated college, and I STILL didn't know much about the game, even though I attended every game and many practices!

6 y/o Nick

                                                                                                              

 

                           

One Sunday, after a tough week of chemo, I was too worn out to do anything, and yet so bored that I decided to hang out with the guys and watch a New England Patriots game. I mean, if you can't beat 'em, join 'em! Surprisingly, it was pretty exciting! I ended up watching the following week's game, and before I knew it, I was eagerly looking forward to each game.

I started to enjoy watching football and quickly became obsessed with Tom Brady and the New England Patriots! I loved seeing Tom Brady's impressive performances despite his "advanced age"!

Whenever I heard someone say Tom was getting too old and needed to retire from football, I would root for him even more. 

One day, when watching Tom Brady play and hearing the announcer mention his age, I said, "Tom, you aren't giving up, and this old woman isn't giving up. Now, let's fuckin' go! We've got this!" And I repeated that often.

I really enjoyed watching Brady play football, but I was also deeply moved when I heard him speak about his mother's battle with breast cancer. She was going through her own journey, and at the same time, I was facing my own challenges. His love and concern were genuinely touching. 

My family was surprised by my newfound love of football, and so was I. I was happy to have something to look forward to each week!

I was devastated when Tom left New England. I didn't care if people accused me of "jumping on the Buccaneers' bandwagon" when he joined their team. After all, I had grown to love the NE Patriots, but I was a Tom Brady fan first and foremost, so I would watch him in any uniform he put on! I was so happy when Ray and I were able to see him play in Atlanta!

TB12 in Atlanta!

 

I miss seeing Tom play football, but I will probably get my "Tommy" fix by watching him in his new Fox Sports NFL analyst career.

And then there is this "FOREVER YOUNG" "DYNAMITE" rocker-Sir Rod Stewart!

Rod Stewart

I have been a fan of Rod Stewart and his music for years. I really love his earlier work, from his Faces days to his early solo years, but honestly, I can't think of any of his music that I don't like.

Songs like "Maggie Mae," "You Wear It Well," "Reason To Believe," "Mandolin Wind," "You're In My Heart," "Passion," "People Get Ready," and "Forever Young" resonate with me. Yes, even "Hot Legs" and "Do Ya Think I'm Sexy"! "Ain't Love A Bitch," "Broken Arrow," "This Old Heart Of Mine"... The list could go on and on.

During my abusive first marriage, Rod's music gave me hope in moments when I felt like I couldn't take it anymore. I can't quite explain it, but it helped me so much. While I liked other singers and bands, Rod's music touched my soul. I listened to his music almost every day.

Although I haven't attended many concerts as an adult, I tried my best to find a way to go whenever Rod was in town! Rod is absolutely a fantastic performer!

I met Rod briefly after a concert in Atlanta in the 80s. My friend and I headed to a club immediately following the concert. To our surprise, Rod himself walked in! As we were leaving the club, Rod and his entourage were also leaving. I greeted him and got a bow and a kiss on my hand. He was such a gentleman! Quite unexpected for a bad-boy rock star! LOL

Rod at Mohegan Sun in '07!

My love for Rod is well known amongst my family and friends.

When my son Nick was little, he had to write a paper with a few facts about his Mom. He wrote, "My Mom cooks good food. My Mom loves me and Rod Stewart!" LOL, that's not a lie! At least not the part about loving him and Rod Stewart. The cooking part, well... 

When my son Robert married, we danced to "Have I Told You Lately That I Love You" by Rod Stewart for the mother-son dance.

In 2012, my husband and I renewed our wedding vows, and my sweet hubby sang, "Have I Told You Lately That I Love You."

TWO-TIME CANCER SURVIVOR

During my cancer treatments that began in October 2016, watching Tom Brady play football on the weekends really helped me feel better. Rod Stewart's music was also a huge source of comfort for me during those tough days and nights. It always lifted my spirits, and I relied on it a lot at that time.

 

"Since my cancer recurrence in 2020, I have found comfort in listening to my Rod Stewart playlist again. His songs never fail to cheer me up and bring a sense of peace during difficult times, making me believe in better days ahead. You could say that "Rod Stewart gives me a "REASON TO BELIEVE!"

COMMON DENOMINATOR?

So, as you can see, Rod and Tom have something in common...ME!! They have both helped me through some incredibly rough moments! 

I am very thankful for my wonderful family and amazing friends who have always loved and supported me. I couldn't have gotten through the past few years without them. However, I realize they each have their own lives and challenges, so I don't want to constantly burden them with my problems. Luckily, during difficult times, I always found comfort and distraction in Brady's football and Rod's music, which never failed to bring a smile to my face.

As I mentioned, I have always loved going to Rod Stewart's concerts and experiencing his live performances. I'll discuss this topic further in my upcoming post... Stay tuned!

Rod Stewart Turned 78?!

Hey, Y'all!

I originally had a different idea for my post, but then I realized that today is Rod Stewart's 78th birthday, and I just had to give him a shoutout! I've been a huge fan of Rod Stewart and his music for so long, all the way back to the early years of "Maggie May"...

I have attended many of his concerts over the years. I even met him at an Atlanta nightclub many years ago. When I greeted him, Rod kissed my hand and bowed to me. He was such a gentleman!

CANCER SURVIVOR

I want to mention that Rod is not only a great talent but also a two-time cancer survivor. He battled thyroid cancer in 2000 and temporarily lost his ability to sing as a result. It took him 9 months to regain his singing ability after the surgery to remove the cancer.

Rod said once in an interview--

"No chemotherapy was required – which, in turn, meant there was no risk that I'd lose my hair. And let’s face it: if we're ranking threats to the survival of my career, losing my hair would be second only to losing my voice."

In 2016, Rod was diagnosed with prostate cancer, around the same time I was diagnosed with breast cancer. After over two years, he finally got the "all-clear" from his doctor. These days, Rod is making the most of his time by doing what he loves, such as performing, touring, and recording, and bringing joy to his fans. 

Like I said, I have loved Rod's music for a long time, and it has helped me dance, sing, and smile through some really tough times.

When I was initially diagnosed with breast cancer, I discovered that Rod's music really lifted my spirits. It still has the same effect as I undergo treatment again. Whenever I'm feeling down or dealing with medication side effects, I turn to my all-time favorite artist for comfort. His music continues to make me smile, sing, and occasionally do a little dancing!

Maybe my dance moves aren't quite the same as during my earlier Limelight disco days, but I'm still dancing. I'm genuinely grateful to Sir Rod for that!

Sir Roderick Stewart, you may be getting older like the rest of us; however...........

YOU WEAR IT WELL! Happy 78th Birthday!