BREAST CANCER RELATED ANXIETY TRIGGER

I think that many of us who are diagnosed with cancer will experience stress, worry, or anxiety to some extent almost every day due to unexpected triggers on our journey. Some of these triggers may only make our hearts flutter for a moment or cause some brief moments of worry, but others can keep us up at night and cause more distress.

And sometimes, those triggers seem to just pop up out of left field.

My Most Recent Trigger

I got a call a couple of days ago from a scheduler about the CT and nuclear-med bone scans my doctor ordered. Finding a day for both scans took a while since one takes 3 hours. I didn't write down the details because I knew they would be posted on the patient portal.

The next day, I logged into the portal to check if the scans had been added so I could enter the details into my calendar. When I saw the date, I immediately felt a sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach. October 2nd? The date hadn't even registered with me when the scans were scheduled.

So What's The Deal With October 2nd?

October 2, 2016, was a Sunday. I remember it well because I was extremely anxious and teary-eyed all day, knowing I would be seeing a breast cancer physician/surgeon the following day for the results of my recent breast biopsy.

I was almost sure I would receive the devastating news of a breast cancer diagnosis, and the uncertainty of what would follow left me feeling utterly terrified.

I remember walking around my backyard, crying and praying. I begged God for more time here on earth. 

Conor had just started his sophomore year of high school, and Alex was in college. They both needed my support. Conor still relied on me, and Nick, who was living in Massachusetts, had been going through some life struggles and also needed my support. My older kids had their own families and were more settled, so I felt they weren't as vulnerable.

And then there was my husband, Ray. He needed me. He had just gotten through a heart attack and some surgeries. It was a really scary time for all of us, but things were finally starting to look up.

And yes, on October 3, 2016, I received the dreaded news: "Pam, the results came back positive for breast cancer."

And so my breast cancer journey began.....

The hardest part was definitely telling the kids. I didn't want my treatments to worry them or disrupt their lives. 

After talking to my Oncology team, I felt hopeful, and yet still worried. 

But God Answered Prayers

I've now watched Conor graduate from high school and grow into an amazing 23-year-old man. He's now still in college, working, and living about an hour and a half away.

I've watched Alex overcome some challenges and become a beautiful, intelligent, adventurous woman who will turn 30 at the end of this month!

Nick has been through some really tough times, but now he has a good and meaningful job working with individuals with disabilities. He's also recently married the most incredible woman we love so much!

And there have been so many other blessings over these past few years that I am so very thankful for.

And Yet, I Can't Avoid The Triggers

I know it may sound silly to some that I became so anxious when I found out that my upcoming scans were scheduled for the anniversary week of my diagnosis. But that first week of October always brings up a lot of anxiety for me. Actually, the whole month of October stirs up such mixed emotions.

In October 2016, I received my first breast cancer diagnosis. Then, in October 2020, just a few weeks after undergoing surgery for pancreatitis and gallbladder issues, a CT scan and biopsy confirmed that my cancer had returned.

I understand logically that experiencing bad news in October before doesn't necessarily mean it will happen again. But emotionally, that's a different matter.

I am determined not to let fear control me while waiting for the scans and then the results, but I know it won't be easy. I'll experience moments of panic and 'what ifs.' Unfortunately, it's a part of this journey.

Breast Cancer Awareness Month

My journey just happened to begin during Breast Cancer Awareness Month. As I mentioned, October is a month that evokes mixed emotions for me.

I truly value all the support that breast cancer survivors and thrivers receive in October. However, I understand that not all women feel the same about pink ribbons and pink-themed activities. For some, it serves as a painful reminder of their struggles.

Personally, I see it as a symbol of hope and a means to raise awareness. Nevertheless, there are still tough moments when dealing with it all can be hard.  

Embracing the pink!

BTW, I haven't mentioned this latest trigger to family or friends, so writing this has been very therapeutic for me....Thanks for listening, Y'all!

SCANXIETY PART 2-SCAN RESULTS

So, yesterday I had an early morning appointment at my Cancer Center. And when I say early, it really felt early! Between losing an hour due to the time change over the weekend, the thunderstorm that woke us up early Sunday morning after only a few hours of sleep, and then staying up late to watch the Academy Awards show on Sunday night, getting up at 6 am Monday morning was tough!

DOCTOR'S VISIT

First, I saw one of my favorite people...Doctor Saker's nurse, Patience, AKA The Vein Whisperer! Patience is not only one of the sweetest young women you will ever meet, but she could get that needle in a vein with her eyes closed! Man, she's good at her job! So, we chatted while she weighed me (WHAT??? ARE THOSE SCALES RIGHT??), took the vitals and some blood, and then took me to one of the exam rooms to wait for Dr. Saker. 

I waited much longer than usual for the doctor to come in. I wasn't upset with the wait because it is a Cancer Center, and I'm actually always surprised by how quickly the doctor comes in. However, I was getting very nervous sitting there for so long waiting to hear those test results!

Finally, Dr. Saker came in, apologized for the wait, saying that Monday had started out with a bang, and then........

DRUMROLL PLEASE......

He said, with a smile on his face...GREAT NEWS! The scans looked great! After talking about what a great job the meds were doing and going over a couple of other things, he said there is a chance that the sleeping devil (cancer) will wake up at some point and make another appearance, but it could be years before that happens. The Faslodex injections and Verzenio are doing their job and have fewer side effects than Ibrance. 

After all of the 'scanxiety' I've experienced over the past few weeks, I could finally breathe a sigh of relief! I had been more worried about the bone scan because although I had a CT scan in September, it had been a year since my last bone scan.

We also briefly discussed my ongoing battle with weight loss and lowering my cholesterol, but he said he thinks I still have time to do both before I see my PCP in about 5 weeks! But I'll talk more about those issues in another post.

The first person I saw when I entered the infusion suite was another of my favorite people who works there...Lisa! 

Lisa and I chatted for a few minutes while I waited to receive my Faslodex injections and B12 shot. When I told Lisa about my test results, I got a hug and a  heartfelt "PRAISE GOD!"

And I am......PRAISING GOD! 

SCANXIETY PART 1

Let's talk a bit about Scanxiety. 

                                  

WHAT IS SCANXIETY?

Scanxiety is short for scan anxiety, a typical response to having any type of cancer-detecting scan. Whether the scan is being done for diagnosis, to monitor ongoing treatments, or to check for a recurrence, it really doesn't matter; the stress and worry associated with these scans can wreak havoc on our emotional well-being. 

Not everyone experiences a full-blown episode of scanxiety. Some people may only experience minor anxiety, while others, like myself, feel intense panic or distress.

In talking to the people in my cancer support group, I realized that for some, scanxiety only occurs after their scans while waiting on results.

BEFORE SCANS

For some people (me...me...me!), the stress and anxiety begin as soon as a scan has been scheduled. I immediately start to worry that the scans might show something to indicate I am no longer in remission. What if my treatments are no longer working?
 
DURING SCANS

I suffer from claustrophobia, so I have a tough time inside a small, cramped scanner. Even those who aren't claustrophobic might feel uncomfortable and even a little panicked. Also, some of the tables you have to lie on are hard, and you might find it difficult to lie still in one position for a long time. 

Although I'm no longer as stressed over the actual scans as I once was now that I've experienced (and survived!) multiple CT, Bone, PET, and MRI scans, I still have to fight the feelings of claustrophobia each time. My doctor is aware of my claustrophobia and prescribes Xanax to take before scans, which helps immensely.

AFTER SCANS

After getting a medical scan, it's totally normal to feel anxious while waiting for the results. My doctor usually sets up an appointment about a week after the scan to chat about the results with me. Even though I can check out the results on the patient portal a few days before my appointment, trying to figure out all the medical jargon on my own can be risky. I once freaked out for days over nothing because I misunderstood something as bad news. I know it's best to wait for the doctor to explain everything, but man, waiting is tough!

SO, WHAT ARE THE SIGNS OF SCANXIETY?

The following can be signs of scanxiety:

• Trouble sleeping.

• Not feeling hungry.

• Trouble focusing.

• Faster heart rate and possibly higher blood pressure than usual.

• Moodiness

• Having sad or worrying thoughts.

• Fear of a recurrence or spreading of cancer.

TIPS TO HELP MANAGE SCANXIETY

Acknowledge your feelings. Allow yourself to feel angry, scared, or just plain ticked off. You might tend to tear up or become emotional more easily than normal (which ticks me off), so just acknowledge what's going on and be gentle with yourself.

Distract yourself. Do something you enjoy: Binge-watch a TV show, read a book, listen to music, eat your favorite food, or call a friend to take your mind off your worries and anxiety.

Meditate. Whether your method of meditation is yoga, praying, listening to calming music, or just sitting quietly and releasing those negative thoughts in your head, find what helps you relax and do it. For me, prayer is essential.

Find your mantra. Adopting a positive mindset can help alleviate some of your scanxiety worries. For example, you can compose a list of inspirational quotes or motivational affirmations to comfort you during this difficult time.

Share your story. I started my blog to share my story with those who might be facing a new diagnosis, hoping I might help them through their cancer journey. But I also found that blogging helps me take my mind off my anxiety by talking to people going through a similar situation.

And why am I writing about scanxiety today? This past Wednesday, I had bone and CT scan. I have an appointment with my oncologist tomorrow, and right now, I'm trying to avoid that patient portal! 

I'm going for a short walk right now before this scanxiety gets out of control! 

I'll be back after my doctor's visit with SCANXIETY PART 2-SCAN RESULTS. Good thoughts and prayers are appreciated!